"Nothing in the Constitution compels us to listen to or to view any unwanted
communication, whatever its merit. . . We therefore categorically reject the
argument that a vendor has the right under the Constitution or otherwise to
send unwanted material into the home of another. . . We repeat, the right of a
mailer stops at the outer boundary of every person's domain."

   - United States Supreme Court, Rowan vs. U.S. Post Office, 1970
%
"When you understand UNIX, you will understand the world.  When you
understand NT....you will understand NT" - Richard Thieme
%
"My advice is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy. If
not, you'll become a philosopher."
%
Want to make $$$$ really quick? It's easy:
  1. Hold down the Shift key.
  2. Press "4" four times.
%
"The most dangerous creature in all the world is not a woman scorned, rather
an experienced Dungeon Master rallied to a cause."
%
When you see the Game Master smile, it's already too late.
%
Oh, boy, it looks like it's suicide again for me.
%
My roommate is so much like Tyler Durden, its causing me to lose sleep.
%
"Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest
of your life." -Michael Sinz
%
If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself,
then what am I? And if not now, when?
%
Mary had a crypto key, she kept it in escrow, and everything that Mary said,
the Feds were sure to know."
%
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
%
"Intelligence is the ability to avoid doing work, yet get the work done".
 - Linus Torvalds
%
Any view of things that is not strange is false - Neil Gaiman, Sandman
%
Big Brother is alive and well, but he's currently employed in the private
sector.
%
"Extremism in defense of liberty is no vice. Tolerance in the face of tyranny
is no virtue." -- Barry Goldwater
%
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
%
Democracy: Two wolves and a sheep voting to decide what's for dinner.
%
Bershere's Formula for Failure: There are only two kinds of people who fail:
those who listen to nobody... and those who listen to everybody.
%
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who think there are two
kinds of people, and those who don't.
%
There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those
who can't.
%
"And as it harm none, do as thee will" -- A. Crowley
%
Unix is mysterious, and ancient, and strong. It's made of cast iron and the
bones of heroic programmers of old -- ukwn
%
If something doesn't feel right, you're probably not feeling the right thing.
%
Trust in God, and tie your camel -- Old Arab proverb.
%
My lack of knowledge is only exceeded by my lack of concern.
	--Anonymous GE Engineer
%
Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave.
%
"For a list of the ways which technology has failed to improve our quality of
life, press 3."
%
They can kill the Kennedys. Why can't they make a cup of coffee that tastes
good?  -- Gag from an old issue of 'Army Man'

Life's a big jumble, but somehow it leads to something I can consume. I love
that. -- George Meyer, publisher of 'Army Man', explaining the gag
%
I live my life according to a set of immutable, ever-fixed, unchanging
principles ...most of the time.
%
What if this weren't a hypothetical question?
%
A 10 foot rope in a 20 foot hole is not a partial solution 
%
Politicians are cheaper if you buy them in bulk. 
%
Build a better mouse trap... and you'll be sued by someone who patented mouse
trapping devices in 1993.
%
#!/usr/bin/perl -w
# 526-byte qrpff, Keith Winstein and Marc Horowitz <sipb-iap-dvd@mit.edu>
# MPEG 2 PS VOB file on stdin -> descrambled output on stdout
# arguments: title key bytes in least to most-significant order
$_='while(read+STDIN,$_,2048){$a=29;$c=142;if((@a=unx"C*",$_)[20]&48){$h=5;
$_=unxb24,join"",@b=map{xB8,unxb8,chr($_^$a[--$h+84])}@ARGV;s/...$/1$&/;$d=
unxV,xb25,$_;$b=73;$e=256|(ord$b[4])<<9|ord$b[3];$d=$d>>8^($f=($t=255)&($d
>>12^$d>>4^$d^$d/8))<<17,$e=$e>>8^($t&($g=($q=$e>>14&7^$e)^$q*8^$q<<6))<<9
,$_=(map{$_%16or$t^=$c^=($m=(11,10,116,100,11,122,20,100)[$_/16%8])&110;$t
^=(72,@z=(64,72,$a^=12*($_%16-2?0:$m&17)),$b^=$_%64?12:0,@z)[$_%8]}(16..271))
[$_]^(($h>>=8)+=$f+(~$g&$t))for@a[128..$#a]}print+x"C*",@a}';s/x/pack+/g;eval
%
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of three and
eighteen. At three we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
%
The problems that exist in the world today cannot be solved by the level of
thinking that created them...-Einstein
%
A fanatic is a person who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill
%
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there
when it happens. -- Woody Allen
%
In the future, everyone will code Perl for 15 minutes.
%
Mitchell's Law of Committees: Any simple problem can be made insoluble if
enough meetings are held to discuss it.
%
Vices - what I lack in originality, I make up for in volume.
%
-- My employer thinks my opinions are crap.
%
My employer and I have decided not to have anything to do with each other.
%
For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
-- H L Mencken
%
Never play leapfrog with a Unicorn
%
"I picked up a Magic 8-Ball (tm) the other day and it said 'Outlook not so
good.'

I said, 'Sure, but Microsoft still ships it.'"
%
You have moved into a dark place. It is pitch black. You are likely to be
eaten by a grue.
%
"The dreams of yesterday are the hopes of today and the reality of tomorrow"
Robert H. Goddard
%
"I don't need a compass to tell me which way the wind shines." - Mr. Furious,
Mystery Men
%
sig fault
%
"Reality is that which,
when you stop believing in it,
doesn't go away".
Philip K. Dick
%
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
%
Hear about the new pirate movie? It's rated "Arrr"
%
The Internet: Billions of electrons with nothing better to do.
%
I'm tired, you're food, so do us both a favor and climb in my mouth.
%
Son, go get daddy's hard plastic eyes.
%
"Titanic was 3hr and 17min long. They could have lost 3hr and 17min from
that." -- Bruce Campbell
%
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be
bought and sold are legislators.
%
Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess. -- Oscar Wilde
%
"I am disrespectful to dirt. Can you not see that I am serious!" - Mr. Sparkle
%
This sentence no verb
Ths sntnc n vwl
%
insert standard clever non politically offensive zinger here
%
You cannot apply a technological solution to a sociological problem.
(Edwards' Law)
%
These modern kids don't know the simple joy of saving four bytes of page-0
memory on a 6502 box.
%
I are sigfile disease!!
All your quote are belong to us.
Copy us every "sig"!
%
"I try to keep an open mind, but my brain keeps falling out!"
%
"Life's not fair, but the root password helps." -BOFH
%
Life is too short for sentences that begin with "Life is too short for".
%
In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher. - Dalai Lama
%
My opinions are mine.
My employer should be so lucky.
%
"The universe is a womb for the genesis of gods."
%
"Thou shalt not follow the Null Pointer, for at it's end Madness and Chaos
lie."
%
A good engineer will go to any amount of effort to avoid extra effort.
 - Linus Torvalds
%
There's no future in time travel.
%
"It costs a dollar and it's called Weaselicious. What more do you want?"
%
We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has powerful
muscles, but no personality. -Einstein
%
Eschew Obfuscation
%
"You can catch flies till the cows come home, but wasps are a totally
different kettle of fish."
%
Keep your friends close, and your enemies in a small jar on your desk.
%
"When functionality and reliability are sacrificed to the gods of idiocy, the
gods of economy smile." -- Todd C. Williams
%
I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of our monied corporations
 -- Thomas Jefferson
%
"The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws."
 -- Tacitus, 'The Annals'
%
There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our whole
lives, win, lose, or draw. -- Walt Kelly
%
This one goes to eleven!
%
"Get off my way or I'll pee right through ya!" -- Richard Feynnman
%
graduation. sleep. life. pick any two.
%
The average American has one breast and one testicle
%
Consider the business model of your local laundromat. These people are in for
the long haul.
%
I have a shotgun, a shovel and 30 acres behind the barn.
Do not trifle with me.
%
Move Sig: For Great Justice.
%
"The only thing worse than being talked about is -not- being talked about!"
 -- Oscar Wilde.
%
find / -name "*your_base*" -exec chown us:us {} \;
%
If the good lord had meant me to live in Los Angeles
He'd have given me a machine gun (Divine Comedy)
%
Down with categorical imperatives!
%
There's no problem that cannot be solved with a suitable amount of high
explosives.
%
Every corporate problem can be solved by having an engineer implement a
database. -- Dilbert
%
Programming is an art form that fights back.
%
We have enough youth... how 'bout a fountain of SMART?!?!
%
A Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer is to computing what a McDonalds
Certified Food Specialist is to fine cuisine
%
The only "intuitive" interface is the nipple. After that, it's all learned.
-Bruce Ediger
%
Political tags -- such as royalist, communist, democrat, populist, fascist,
liberal, conservative, and so forth -- are never basic criteria. The human
race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those
who have no such desire. The former are idealists acting from the highest
motives of the greatest good of the greatest number. the latter are surly
curmudgeons, supsicious and lacking in altruism, but they are more comfortable
neighbors than the other sort. - R. Heinlein
%
A fool and his money are soon venture capital.
%
"When I die I would like to be born again as me." -- Hugh Hefner, speaking at
Oxford.
%
Anyone who believes that corporate research can or should replace university
research deserves to live in a world where this has taken place. 
%
"We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately."
Benjamin Franklin, at the signing of the Declaration of Independence, July 4,
1776. 
%
"No one can push your buttons like a family member. Of course thats because
they installed them!" --unknown
%
When you can snatch the return address from my stack frame, then it will be
time for you to leave.
%
Greatest Pickup Lines of All Time #37: "So... what butters YOUR muffin?"
 -- Slick
%
"Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a deadly combination." -Comic Book Guy
%
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
-- Albert Einstein
%
When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. -- Lazarus Long
%
"Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all
kinds of directions." Terry Pratchett, The Truth
%
I'm the '4' in "404 Not Found"
%
It appears that /dev/null is a conforming XSL processor.
%
If you're not on somebody's brown list, you're not doing anything worthwhile.
%
Down that path lies madness. On the other hand, the road to hell is paved with
melting snowballs. --Larry Wall
%
Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature. - Helen Keller
%
US Intellectual Property Laws: 5 monkeys, 1 hour
%
When death looks you in the eye, smile. Someone needs to cheer him up.
%
Killing a person is hard. Killing an idea is murder.
%
"Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and taste
good with ketchup."
%
"Under Capitalism, man exploits man. Under Communism, it's the other way
around."
%
Death is nature's way of modding you down.
%
Nazi Germany made us realize that sometimes you need to stop talking about
peace and just start dropping bombs.
%
It might look like I'm standing motionless, but I'm actively waiting for my
problems to go away - Scott Adams
%
"Given the pace of technology, I propose we leave math to the machines and go
play outside." -- Calvin
%
Mmm... delicious white marbles...
%
Two wrongs may not make a right, but three....
%
If you don't have anything nice to say, say it often.
- Ed the Sock
%
"Reality is the most perfect vision of God's will." -- Orson Scott Card
%
"Trying to make bits uncopyable is like trying to make water not wet. The
sooner people accept this, and build business models that take this into
account, the sooner people will start making money again." - Bruce Schneier 
%
Never appeal to a man's "better nature". He may not have one. Invoking his
self-interest gives you more leverage.   - Robert A. Heinlein
%
When duplication is outlawed, only outlaws will have /bin/cp
%
"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad."
 -- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)
%
The price of freedom is eternal vigilance, or $12.50 as seen on EBay.....
%
I think we need to transition to a non-magic-fish based economy.
%
A theory that seems to explain everything really explains nothing
 - Karl Popper 
%
Madness takes it's toll. Please have exact change.
%
Speak softly and carry a +5 two-handed sword.
%
-- If you do what you always do, you'll get what you always get --
%
People who express their opinions in .sigs are morons.
%
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
%
"Real Programmers program in C because C is the only language Real Programmers
can spell."
%
Fanatic: Someone who, having lost sight of his goal, redoubles his efforts
%
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that
Benjamin Franklin said it first
%
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you have a Benjamin
Franklin quote for your sig
%
"People will believe what you say if you tell them I said it first."
 - Benjamin Franklin
%
"95% of all .sig quotes are incorrect or completely fabricated."
 - Benjamin Franklin
%
"People are always misquoting me."
 - Benjamin Franklin
%
Don't get hung up on literalism and legalism. They are mere intellectual
cudgels used in meaningless verbal battles between self-important idiots
furiously engaged in competitive but highly transient mental masturbation.
%
Soma: because a gramme is better than a damn.
%
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Starve him for awhile and he
will really appreciate that next fish.
%
This is my SIG. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
%
Hypocracy: Tyrannical rule by Hippos.
Hypocrisy: Duplicitous behavior.
%
"Since the beginning of time man has yearned to destroy the sun..."
-- Mr.  Burns
%
"Ut!" -- Flaming Carrot
%
"UNIX was not designed to stop you from doing stupid things, because that
would also stop you from doing clever things." --Doug Gwyn
%
Do not meddle in the affairs of sysadmins, for they are quick to anger and
have not need for subtlety.
%
I may need to eat, but I refuse to lick the hand that feeds.
%
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
%
Intellectual "property" is to property as fool's gold is to gold.
%
The human race never solves any of its problems. It merely outlives them.
 - David Gerrold
%
#include "stupid.sig.h"
%
"Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right"
 -Salvor Hardin
%
El diablo esta en mis pantalones!! Mire, mire!!
%
Never call a man a fool. Instead, borrow things from him.
%
Remember: behind every sleazy lawyer there's a sleazy client.
%
"Linux is a cancer" -- Steve Ballmer, CEO Microsoft.
(Maybe that explains it's rapid growth.)
%
"The general contract of the method run is that it may take any action
whatsoever." -- Java 2 API
%
Give me liberty or give me something of equal or lesser value from your glossy
32-page catalog.
%
"All I have ever wanted from life was to see Larry Wall give Bill Gates a Perl
necklace." -foo
%
Human interest stories aren't.
%
Rule #1 The customer is always right. Rule #2 They must pay for their
arrogance!
%
The Constitution poses no threat to our current form of Government.
%
Open up, it's the pigs! -Neil, The Young Ones
%
I typed slowly, in case you're not a fast reader
%
There are a thousand forms of subversion, but few can equal the convenience
and immediacy of a cream pie -Noel Godin
%
"Wherever you go, there's another stupid sigfile quote."
%
"Anybody remotely interesting is mad, in some way or another" - Doctor Who
%
"The trouble with computers is that they are sophisticated idiots". 
 - Dr. Who
%
"If at first you don't succeed, try a shorter bungee cord..."
%
"It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the
bastards." -- Unknown
%
It's easy to write songs, you just sit down and write them.
  - John Lennon
%
Self destruct. Do not push unless you really really mean it.
%
My impression of a British SciFi show (namely, Dr. Who)

Lead Character: Natter. natter. Natter natter. Natter.
Other Character: Natter?
Blue Character: Natter natter (laugh).
Lead Character: Natter natter natter natter. Natter, and natter some more.
Monster:[special effect here done by viewing a picture of Margaret Thatcher
through a glass of stout]
Lead Character: Natter natter natter natter natter natter natter natter
natter.
Character with strange forehead: Natter natter natter.
[Exterior shot of a strange planet, which is strange that a strange planet has
so many hedgerows.]

-- Some Anonymous Coward on Slashdot
%
"Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, but not
tried it."- Donald Knuth
%
"Parenthood is the opiate of the masses!" -- Chuck Palahniuk
%
Aha! I'll bounce off that broad, flat surface and be in a lot of pain!
%
The following statement is not true. The previous statement is true.
%
The surest way to remain a winner is to win once, and then not play any more.
%
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
                      -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%
"There is nothing quite so exhilarating as to be shot at, without result."
 -- Winson Churchill
%
[Nicholas] Petreley's First Law of Computer Journalism: No technology exists
until Microsoft invents it.
%
Don't think of it as a flame---it's more like an argument that does 3d6 fire
damage
%
Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore. -- Russian Proverb
%
Sig for sale. Slightly used, small scratches. Trades welcome.
%
Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors.
%
"It's better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have
it." - Sir Clarence Worley
%
"That's Tron. He fights for the Users." 
%
Once: you're a philosopher. Twice: a pervert.
%
All generalizations are false.
%
I am Jack's .sig
%
"I didn't spend all that time playing Dungeons & Dragons and not learn a
little something about courage" - Some geek on an X-Files ep.
%
Ben Franklin refused to patent his stove, lightning rod, bifocals, or anything
else. Technology to the people!
%
Boycott shampoo! Demand REAL poo!
%
I believe sex is highly over rated... unless it involves me.
%
Help root out and erradicate redundancies.
%
Patent 5,965,809: "Method of bra size determination by direct measurement of
the breast."
%
Pray: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single
petitioner confessedly unworthy. -- Ambrose Bierce
%
You can accomplish anything you set your mind to. The impossible just takes a
little longer.
%
Though they are brown and have two legs, they are kangaroos, not pants.
%
We had to destroy this village's idiot in order to save it
%
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." --Thomas
Edison
%
job Placement, n.: Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
%
"I'm not a robot like you. I don't like having disks crammed into me... unless
they're Oreos, and then only in the mouth." -- Fry, Futurama
%
Since year 2000 is now safely behind us, we can now resume coding the year
into 2 digit fields.
%
"I tried EMACS, but I just didn't seem to have enough fingers" -- Richard
Heathfield (at clc)
%
When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion - when
you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who
produce nothing - when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in
goods, but in favors - when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull
than by work, and your laws don't protect you against them, but protect them
against you - when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a
self-sacrifice - you may know that your society is doomed."

- Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
%
"Begin at the beginning," the King said, gravely, "and go on till you come to
the end; then stop." - Alice in Wonderland
%
If it ain't broke, you need to install more software.
%
"If a man is alone in the forest talking to himself and no women around to
hear him.  Is he still wrong?"
%
"No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider the furniture!"
-- Sherlock Holmes
%
If god wanted me to have a sig, he'd have given me a sense of humor.
%
Hofstadter's Law: Every project takes longer than you expect, even when you
take Hofstadter's Law into account.
%
And I'd be a Libertarian, if they weren't all a bunch of tax-dodging
professional whiners.  - Berke Breathed
%
"I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in
mind." - Alan Kay
%
Very few people debate "to be or not to be"; the vast majority seek to remain.
%
"The good die first." "Most of us are morally ambiguous, which explains our
random dying patterns." --- MST3K
%
I'm a consultant - I convert gibberish into cash-flow.
%
dde, ole, ole2, com, dcom, dcom+mts, SOAP, .NET -or- "Everything is a file",
hmm tough choice.
%
"Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons!"
%
Siggy, siggy, siggy, can't you see? Sometimes your sigs just hypnotize me. 
%
Now I'm one of those people people wonder about.
%
If the self-serving bias is universal, how come I only see it in other people,
but not myself? Answer that one!
%
Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at
all costs.  -- N. Alexander.
%
"I love the way Microsoft follows standards.  In much the same manner that
fish follow migrating caribou."
- Paul Tomblin, as seen on USENET
%
As the saying goes "if Windows was built for the Internet, then the Internet
was built for Unix"
%
Exasperated French Unix guru says, "man du!"
%
Last week, I left my 2 XP CDs on my dashboard in plain view. Someone broke
into my car and left 2 more.
%
"It's tough to be bilingual when you get hit on the head."
%
"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even
remotely true!" - Homer Simpson
%
Jesus Saves, Allah Protects, and Cthulu thinks you'd make a nice snack.
%
There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.
%
"All great truths begin as blasphemies." -- George Bernard Shaw
%
Arguing with an engineer is like wrestling with a pig in mud, after a while
you realise the pig is enjoying it. 
%
"I can't give you a brain, so I'll give you a diploma" - The Great Oz
%
"Nothing up my sleve... Presto!" -- Bullwinkle the Moose
%
"whois awk?", sed grep.
%
I don't have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
%
"Seven Deadly Sins? I thought it was a to-do list!"
%
"Zero if by LAN, one if by CD"
%
"Just once, I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'you're making a
scene'." --Homer
%
Thought to Ponder: To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from
many is research...  Ah, this postmodern world.
%
"What would be the use of immortality to a person who cannot use well a half
hour?" --Ralph Waldo Emerson 
%
A bash poem: time for echo in canyon; do echo $echo $echo; done
%
You can lead a horse to Unix but you can't make him log into a shell.
%
"Death and drek!" you curse as your party faces off against a group of 2
Netadmins and 1 Undead User.
%
Yellower each and every day.
%
"Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from
a lot of women."
%
"My network's got no nodes!","How does it smell?","(sniffs packets) Awful!"
%
Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense.  -- e.e. cummings
%
Those of you without a sense of humor are at the mercy of the rest of us.
%
"I think that the anti-Microsoft sentiment is simply due to their having been
so successful at selling a lot of crap." -Woz
%
I support free speech, but you still have to pay for your own printing press.
%
The End of the World As We Know It has been rescheduled for *next* Thursday.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
%
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in
his head. 
%
I started with nothing and I still have most of it left.
%
Subsidized corporations, non-working 'poor' and criminalized / imprisoned
citizens are turning productive citizens into tax-slaves.
%
Looking for a better sig. Suggestions being accepted.
%
Believe what you're told! There would be chaos if everyone thought for
themselves.
%
The only way to learn rocket science is to DO rocket science. I have never,
ever seen a difficult field that could be learned any better than by just flat
out trying to do it and puzzling through every obstacle.
%
"Albert Einstein nailed space-time, but the wild thing had him stumped."
-Thomas Dolby
%
Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny, although
measurable distance from the earth every year.  If you do the math, you can
calculate that 85 million years ago, the moon was orbiting the earth at a
distance of about 35 feet from the earth's surface.  This would explain the
death of the dinosaurs...the tallest ones, anyway.
%
67.7234597% of statistics are made up.
%
DSL is LSD backwards.
%
Don't do what Johnny Don't Does.
%
Every social system runs on the people's belief in it.
%
Nothing says "I can't hold my liquor" quite like a tattoo.
%
There are really two of me. If this post is stupid, it certainly came from the
other guy. 
%
"A little anarchy... but not the hurting kind!"
%
It's kind of fun to do the impossible. -- Walt Disney
%
People who criticize other people for grammar/spelling remind me of Arnold
Rimmer.
%
You know, I don't think geeks watch Star Trek. I think Star Trek makes geeks!
%
"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers" -- Pablo Picasso
%
There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who know binary and those
who don't
%
"I've got better things to do tonight than die!
-Transformers: The Movie, Summer of 1986
%
"Your complaint will be ignored in the order in which it was received."
%
I wish I could hear the soundtrack to my life. That way I'd know when to duck.
%
A good woman is like a piano. When she's not upright, she's grand.
%
Life is too short to use a slow modem.
%
"A prince never lacks legitimate reasons to break his promise." Machiavelli
%
Because Life Begins at the $ Prompt -BoxJockey
%
"I took a fish head out to see a movie, I didn't have to pay to get it in."
 -- Barnes & Barnes
%
If it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck,... it would probably taste
good with an orange sauce.
%
nmap -v -p 1-1024 -sS -P0 army.mil -T paranoid
%
Your reality is lies and balderdash and I'm delighted to say that I have no
grasp of it whatsoever. - Baron Munchausen 
%
Time is Nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once.
%
God is dead. - Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead! - God 
%
Don't eat the brown acid!
%
Taking legal advice about software licensing issues from Microsoft is like
taking airline safety advice from Osama bin Laden.
%
Don't throw your computer out the window, throw the Windows out of your
computer! 
%
"An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject." --Heinlein
%
You must become the change you wish to see in the world. -Gandhi 
%
Now, I must go buy something at random.
%
But you wouldn't expect to hire random people off the street to come in and
collaborate on writing a novel. You can do it by hiring a few good novelists
who already know how to figure out how to work together, or at least how to
fight with each other productively.  -- Larry Wall.
%
Perl 6 will give you the big knob. -- Larry Wall
%
If It implements Duck and It extends Duck, then It : public Duck;
%
"You can steal my woman, but you ain't done nuthin' smart."
%
A good deal of the problem is that you are busy disbelieving a different God
than the one I am busy believing in. --Larry Wall
%
Neither individuals nor corporations have any right to come into court and ask
that the clock of history be stopped. -RAH
%
Listen up kids! Don't pirate software! You'll end up having to answer
everyone's questions about computers.
%
The reward for a job well done is more work.
%
If we all had perfect driving skills, everyone would be an average driver.
%
"In theory there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice
there is."
%
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like
having a peeing section in a pool.
%
Canada: It's like having a loft apartment over a really great party.
%
http://themes.mozdev.org/skins/pinball.html
%
"Our products just aren't engineered for security,"
 -- Brian Valentine, VP in charge of MS Windows Development
%
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and fifty for
Miss America?
%
Implementation is a necessary and final step of software design.
%
Sig: This is your diatribe full of your titles and lame beliefs and causes so
people are impressed with you.
%
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
%
True art is characterized by an irresistible urge in the creative artist.
 -- Albert Einstein
%
Alcohol and Calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
%
Technology is most abused by the very people it was created to help.
%
The world is run by idiots because they're more efficient than hamsters.
%
vi VS emacs arguments are pointless and a waste of time.

vi is the best.
%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
%
"I will take the Ring," he said, "though I do not know the way."
%
10 PRINT "HELL"
20 GOTO 10
%
An excellent time to quote President Zaphod Beeblebrox: "WOW!"
%
My last sig was even dumber...
%
"You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both
at once." - Lazarus Long
%
"Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas
are interested in dogs." P.J. O'Rourke
%
That's definitely the second-biggest monkey head I've ever seen
%
"Spock, the women on your planet are logical. No other
planet in the galaxy can make that claim." -- James T. Kirk
%
"There is no such thing as implicit trust, and if you think there is, please
send me a blank check." - aphor
%
"tough competitive force. . . . It's non-traditional, it's free and it's
cheap" -- Steve Ballmer about Linux
%
"Bad artists copy. Good artists steal." - Elwood P Dowd
%
No, I'm not the yoga instructor.
%
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven...
%
Earth First - We'll strip mine the other planets later.
%
"It is a besetting vice of democracies to substitute public opinion for law."
- James Fenimore Cooper
%
Cake or Death? Cake Please!
%
I'll believe it when I can download it.
%
You had me at HELO.
%
"War's Legitimate Object Is More Perfect Peace." -- William Tecumseh Sherman
%
"When I grow up, I'll be stable." - Garbage
%
Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Caaaan yoooou dig it!!!
%
Machines take me by surprise with great frequency. -A. Turing
%
"It is difficult to catch a black cat in a dark room. Especially if there is
no cat there." - Confucius
%
Due to budget cuts, light at end of tunnel will be out.
%
Shortarse kills dark lord by chucking ring down volcano. Local vagrant elected
king. -- Lord of the Rings, abreviated version
%
If you choke a Smurf, what color will it turn?
%
Time travel is confusing, I remember tomorrow like it was yesterday.
 -- The Doctor
%
"The reward of suffering is experience." - Aeschylus
%
When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a skull.
%
It says "My Computer" because Bill thinks that putting
his software on it makes it his. This explains a lot.
%
"When I'm singing a ballad and a pair of underwear lands on my head, I hate
that. It really kills the mood." -Tom 
%
Why does Cthulhu always get top billing?
I say, Nyarlathotep for President, Cthulhu for Vice!
%
There's nothing intellectual about going around Italy in a big shirt trying to
get laid. -Black Adder
%
WARNING: /dev/clue was linked to /dev/null
%
"I'm payin' taxes, but what am I buyin'?" -- James Brown
%
You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom
and liberty.  -- Henrik Ibsen
%
Where are we all going in such a hurry and why are we all in this handbasket?
%
 Gozer the Traveler! He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the
 Rectification of the Vuldronaii, the Traveler came as a large and moving
 Torb! Then, during the Third Reconciliation of the Last of the Meketrex
 Supplicants, they chose a new form for him, that of a giant Sloar! Many Shubs
 and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of a Sloar that day, I
 can tell you!
%
"Albert Einstein nailed space-time, but the wild thing had him stumped."
-Thomas Dolby
%
Meow!Thump!Meow!Thump!Meow!Thump! "You're right! There isn't enough room to
swing a cat in here!" 
%
"All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power."
- Ashleigh Brilliant
%
The instructions SPECIFICALLY SAID......
"DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL"!!!!!!!!!
%
Come on fhqwhgads...I see you jockin' me...
%
There is no sig like sig 11
%
I do not have an Ultimate Nullifier, a Dirty Bomb of Justice, or any other
super weapon in my pants.
%
"Would you prefer to be conscious or unconscious during the mating?"
 -- G'Kar to Lyta Alexander in Babylon 5: "The Gathering"
%
i ate crayons when i was a kid and now i have two braincells and the blue ones
taste nicer
%
You can never go home again... but I guess you can shop there.
%
Instead try to realize, that there is no sig.
%
*This space unintentionally left blank.*
%
To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into
contempt.  --E.C. Stanton
%
Respect can be earned but never taken, for taken respect is naught but fear.
Earning respect is simple. One must only strive to do right. Loosing it is
equally simple. One must only strive to be right.
%
"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of
government."
%
Proofreading done in good spirits and with an eye toward fun.
%
Life runs in cycles... good leads to good, bad leads to bad... even if you are
on the receiving end of a bad cycle, try your best to break it by beginning a
good cycle. Happiness is not determined by how much you have, but how much you
appreciate what you have. If you always see every positive trait in people,
and maybe occasionally forgive negative traits, you will always have friends.
%
If you watch TV news, you know less about the world than if you just drank gin
straight from the bottle.
%
Harlot encounters can be with brazen strumpets or haughty courtesans, thus
making it difficult for the party to distinguish each encounter for what it
is.  --Gary Gygax, Dungeon Masters Guide
%
People are happiest when they are complaining.
%
"His eyes were hard, hard as the cold, dusty ground he lay dead on, which made
them especially hard to chew.
%
"No defecating in the Room of Destiny!"
%
"You turn the corner in the Haunted Hobbit Hole only to find... The Larder of
Doom!!!"
%
"Damnation, Sir! His insolance makes my blood boil!" -- Major Darling
%
Talent sees genious but mediocrity only sees itself.
%
Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on
you with a miniature machine gun.  --Matt Groening
%
Unix: Do one thing, and do it well
Mac: Do a few things, but be simple, and secure about it
Windows: Do lots of things, some well, most not, but get them into production fast
Linux:  Do what you want and do it as well as you can (with a little help from
your friends)
%
"In the beginning, it is always dark."  - The Empress
%
"Open the gates!" - Baron Munchausen
%
Power corrupts. PowerPoint corrupts absolutely.
%
$world ~= s/bad/good/g;
%
It's not who you kill, it's what kind of cereal you eat out of their skull the
next morning.  (George, with some provocation)
%
"The best way to predict the future is to invent it" -- Alan Kay
%
As long as there is injustice, whenever a Targathian baby cries out, wherever
a distress signal sounds among the stars, we'll be there. This fine ship, this
fine crew. Never give up... and never surrender!
		-- Commander Peter Quincy Taggart
%
"By Grabthar's hammer, by the sons of Worvan, you shall be avenged..."
		-- Dr. Lazarus
%
In Soviet Russia, backwards is everything.
%
I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.
        -- Albert Einstein
%
"Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration!" - Thomas Alva Edison
If Mr. Edison had thought smarter he wouldn't sweat as much. - Nikola Tesla
%
Information wants a fueled airplane waiting at the hanger and no one gets hurt
%
If you are unsatisfied with this post, please return the unused portion for a
full refund.
%
/usr/games/fortune
%
I like my women like I like my tea: green
%
Some people have a way about them that seems to say: "If I have only one life
to live, let me live it as a jerk."
%
Today is spelling optional day!
%
The Cheese Stands Alone.
%
You do not examine legislation in the light of the benefits it will
convey if properly administered, but in the light of the wrongs it
would do and the harms it would cause if improperly administered.
  - Lyndon B. Johnson, 36th US president (1908-1973)
%
"Ready for the action now, Danger Boy?"  - Aeon Flux
%
The Linux philosophy is 'Laugh in the face of danger'. Oops. Wrong One. 'Do it
yourself'. Yes, that's it. -- Linus Torvalds
%
I can see the fnords!
%
Remember kids, it's all fun and games until someone commits wholesale galactic
genocide.
%
Clarke's Three Laws:

1. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is
   possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is
   impossible, he is very probably wrong.

2. The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture
   a little way past them into the impossible.

3. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.  
%
Everything that a While Loop does ultimately ends in failure. :(
%
(lemons) ? make lemonade : throw lemons;
%
Another world, another time, in the age of wonder...  A thousand years ago,
this land was green and good until the Crystal cracked...  Today, once more,
they will replenish themselves, cheat death again, through the power of their
source, their treasure, their fate, the Dark Crystal.
%
The best diplomat I know is a fully activated phaser bank.  -- Scotty
%
Beauty is in the eyestalks of the Beholder!
%
User: "What happened to the internet?"
Admin: "The tubes have collapsed!!"
%
All these moments will be lost in time like tears in rain. Time to die.
%
Eat the rich, the poor are tough and stringy
%
XML is like violence. If it doesn't solve the problem, use more.
%
"Press to test."
(click)
"Release to detonate."
%
Advertising Slogans Targeted At the Elder Gods
By Greg Knauss (McSweeny's)

Choosy black goats with a thousand young choose Jif.

American Express: Don't leave R'yleth without it!

A-1 makes hamburgers taste like the rotting flesh of the conquered dead.

You're in good oily, grasping tentacles with Allstate.

M&M's: The milk chocolate melts in your maw, not in... whatever that is.

Campbell's Soup: M'm! M'm! Aaagughguuggh!

The best part of rising from a thousand year slumber is Folgers in your cup.

Microsoft: Where do you want to go today? [Unchanged.]
%